kirk, I have been where you are when you shared your comments and I feel for you and know the hopelessness in that time. Kirk I am praying for you right now that our Lord and Saviour give you the eyes and heart to look beyond the circumstances and focus on Him in faith. That's what I did I simply ,in all my dispair, decided to begin focusing on Him , His word and His purpose. I took my eyes off myself, As a hard as it was , I read the Bible for an hour a day - even when I thought I got nothing, slowly God began to work beyond any expectation of mine. I am still growing and learning but now have a hope and joy that i desire for you. Keep the faith my friend- His promise is sure