I was lost, but now I am found

by Courtney
(College Station, TX)

All of my life I've grown up in the church and I was always so close to God. I moved away for college almost 4 years ago, and have only gone to church when I visited my family back home...and that wasn't very often. I've done a lot of things that I wish I wouldn't have done and I was lost and away from God for a long time. It was just recently that I've had a lot of hardships come my way and I felt that I had no where to turn.

I found myself loosing my will to live and I even planned my suicide a number of times. I've written good-bye notes to all my family and loved ones, I've written my suicide note...I thought my life would be over with in a matter of days. Just a few days ago when thinking about committing suicide within the next hour, I had a feeling and a voice tell me that I have a purpose on this earth and that my time here wasn't over with yet. That very moment has changed my life. I cry out to God everyday asking him to provide me the strength to keep me from doing something harmful to myself. And every time I do this, I get a sense of calmness and I know that he is here by my side helping me through it.
God has saved my life more times than I count recently and I will forever be grateful for that. I still find that every day is a struggle and I find myself on my knees crying out to him. I have found my way back in the loving arms of God and I never want to leave. Everyone has hardships and tough times, but with the help of God you will pull out of the hard times and realize that God loves you no matter what you do.
The only reason I am sitting here today is because of the blessing that God has given me. Jesus died on that cross for me and I will never forget that ever again.